close to my heart.

a story made with love,
& dedicated to nix.

note.
this is best viewed on browser, but mobile viewing should also be ok. have any trouble? just let me know~touch the heart to proceed!

• Heart

written in the pages of the exotale, are a pair of

• Chevron Left
• Home
• Chevron Right

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIX!!! everytime i say something along the lines of 'let's go gambling' i can't help but think of you. obvious associations aside, i do truly feel like i won some sort of gamble when we ended up waiting for our sundo together post-hangout and got to know one another better... i really was so anxious the whole time but chatting with you ended up being such a pleasant relief. i'm still really thankful for that! and ever since then, i can't help but miss nix and wait eagerly for the next time we can see each other. did you know 90% of gamblers quit just before they hit it big? well, i definitely won't be quitting anytime soon. and i've already won once, so let's bet on the future together!!

the first time i heard this song five years ago i thought of nix... but it was too soon to send you something so sappy. so i put it in my good music playlist instead and ever since then every time it comes on i quietly think of you
all of your faraway friends love you, care about you, and will be endlessly patient with you. we will stay by your side, face challenges hand in hand, and come out the other side changed for the better
happy birthday, and may we celebrate many many more together!!! :3

this wayward envelope is generously decorated with stickers and carries a letter written on orange-colored paper. when you pull out the page within, you notice that it smells faintly of citrus. the scent sticks to your fingers and nose as you bring it closer to read.

dear nix,there's a big open field right in front of my house that's been there for as long as i can remember. huge trees, tall grass, everything... so big and shadowy, that it gets super dark even when the sky is still light too! it's been trimmed back a lot over the years, but i can still remember when the grass was even taller than i was.back when i was younger, like 12-13ish (so basically when we would still rp as dave and rose/aradia/latula together) i did so so badly in school that my parents got me a tutor. it was just down the street, and itd go from after i was dismissed from class at 4PM until like 6PM, making it already approaching night by the time i had to walk home. it was always a short walk, but i remember - there used to be fireflies. two things would turn a five minute walk into a twenty minute one, making me constantly late for dinner with my parents: myself stopping and idling to watch the fireflies flicker through the tall grass, and you, messaging me on skype about your day.that was my routine basically every night for years... and while i can hardly recall the things we really talked about, i know that i would walk slowly and let myself be late as possible even if it meant getting scolded if it meant i could spend a few more minutes exchanging messages with you. i'd go back n forth between the screen of my iphone 5 and the stars in the grass, hardly even looking where i was stepping. even now, looking back, i dont remember the starts or ends of those walks - just that the middles were someplace i wanted to stay forever.it's been way more than just 10 years since then, and there are no more fireflies that live by the now neatly-trimmed field in front of my house. but still, i have you (and you've even been to my house, the very same one!). recalling these things makes me feel really old, and maybe i am... but i take a lot of comfort that at least im old with you, and i get to watch you get old too. our problems felt so big at 12, 13, 14, but now i only remember the fireflies. i'm sure when we're in our 30s, we'll be saying the same about our problems at 23... which means that really, they aren't so big at all, and that i'll still be thinking of those fireflies.happy birthday! i love you sooooo much!!!

i love you so, so, so, so much.